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Excerpts Chapter 9





What does the word "nobility" mean?


Mom worked hard to educate us having "noble manners". 
There were different holograms about "Nobility" from both side of family. 
From mom side of the family -Nobility means that you got a presence of authority, 
mastership, wealth, fame and being the super-human beings that could lead the societies. 
That was somewhat different than father's ideal of Nobility. 
Father's idea about the nobility was simply to speak the truth, to give all your best at all time, and to make the impossible possible.


"Manners" are simply codes. 

They reveal which society that you are coming from. 
If you were from a so-called high-class society, your manner could be somewhat aloof, with special intelligence of wording. 
No naked emotions to insult the intellect. 
Silence is gold; less is more.
Nobody should be able to read your mind; You should be able to read everybody's mind...
The bottom line was hard to admit 
-it was about the superiority. 
Father would call all these as  
The Cold Blood Ruling Mentality. 


Father had different manners to show his nobility. 
He would bring strangers home for dinner because they had "soul-connections". 
Very often, they would have great conversations from the battlefields to the international warlords -over many glasses of warm wine. 
All those "important people" were merely their cheerful topics during the sharing of the wine. 
Superiority and inferiority were solely about who can drink more and who can give more...
then father would give his newly met brother some money, or necessities for the departing -as if he were extremely wealthy. 
He was wealthy in spirit. 
There was no lacking in his consciousness. 
I was growing up with all kind of uncles who would dinner with us then move onto their journeys. 
Some of them would never show up again.
In the height of their sharing, 
father would ask me and my brothers to entertain the guests by reciting ancient Chinese poems, dancing and playing music. 


Again, I would be called to deliver a lecture...there were "files" in my mind. 
Father would tell me -"just talk about the Democracy", 
or "tell them the importance of the environmental-awareness", 
or "do you still remember the one about Relationships?" 
Other times father would tell me to put on the ballet toe-shoes and to practice the ballet lessons in front of the guests... 
Everybody was happily together. 
The sharing of emotions was somewhat naked. 
To drink with brotherhood and to speak the truth were the finest earthly delights father enjoyed... 
Perhaps to teach and to show off his children were equally enjoyable. 


Nai-Nai would call all of these " the hot headed passant manners." 
She simply said:" A girl from a good family does not entertain anybody." 
Nai-Nai patiently taught me great manners from the "noble family". 
That never exhibits myself in front of others was somewhat different than what I learned from the dance class...
In dance class we were taught to show our best all the time...
What Deai-Deai had to say? 
He said plainly:" You should study the Chinese Kung-Fu, not those foreign toe-dances."


When I lived with Nai-Nai and Deai-Deai, there were different "codes" to be learned. 
The hardest one for me was to be served by "servants". 
There were servants attending you while you were eating -why couldn't we all sit and eat together? 
There were servants open door for you while you get on and off the car -as if your were incapable. 
There were servants greeting you while you entering the house, 
servants in the kitchen, servants in the garden...
They were much more fun than most "important" guests. 
I would constantly want to make myself useful to these interesting people - 
they also told the funniest stories...
All of these behaviors had been observed as not being "noble enough". 


Quickly I realized anything that was "not noble enough" would only bring more blames to mom's marriage, and father's "hot headed passant manner".
It was good to be calm and kind, smiling without talking, receiving the service graciously without participating the "servants' reality". 
Keeping your thoughts to yourself, never showing your likes and dislikes. 
A great leader would not spend energy on petty emotions...always chin-up, no need to apologize in general... 
More important was to have a noble presence that makes people feel honored to serve you.


When I lived with mom and father, there were different codes in the neighborhood. 
The communication was done mostly through the emotional coherence. 
it was important to know people's likes and dislikes. 
People enjoyed helping one another with some "seasoned true facts" that was a little different than those "merely gossips"
... sometimes they would reveal their secrets to their "best friends" as an act of sharing trust ... 


Once, I was waking up from a swinging between worlds, 
observing the transparent wall with dancing prisms, 
singing steams from the teapot, 
and those dreaming birds outside the window... 
Everything again was this multi-colored shimmering light. ..
There was some one in the room besides mom. 
She was showing mom her new teeth by taking all of them down, then putting them back --
Wow!!! 
That was the most impressive thing I had ever seen 
-I did not know that she had that kind of magic!...
and I practiced secretly of taking down my teeth, 
it never got successful, not to mention putting them back. 
I was extremely humbled by not be able to do her magic correctly.


Nobody talked much about anything magical from both side of family. 
Yet, everything was magic. 
How could the walls became transparent? 
You could see a different view on the other side of the wall, then the wall become solid again. 
You had to walk out to see the garden that was different than the scene you saw when the wall was transparent. 
You could not tell anybody things like this. 
They would only say that you were day-dreaming again ...


Another time when I found two slippery serpents, red and green, 
I was happily showing mom and father about my pets that felt pulpy and spongy in both of my hands. 
The pulsing of their hearts intertwined with mine. 
We were like having One Heart.
...mom was screaming, and father killed them immediately ...


Everything went so fast. 
Ecstasy turned into horror less than a single breath.. 
Mom grabbed me indoor and gave me a lecture about poisonous snakes...
The wall became transparent again...
We were all dancing together 
-me and my beautiful serpents ... 
Swirling with the lightening rods from my hands, 
I was one with the Goddess of all time ...
There were no manners, no codes, we were all dancing together in One Heart ...


One Heart is the magical Nobility in my reality.

Oh, if I were mom, I would run away with father too. 
Father knew the secret of One Heart. 
That was his charm. 
When he forgot about One Heart, his magic turned against himself. 
When father and mom fight, they both forgot their magic ...
Mom must get bored to be a good girl from a good family...
She wanted to be a ballet dancer, but Nai-Nai said that ballet dancer revealing their legs. 
( -what was the difference than the unbound feet? ) 
So mom had to learn piano and painting in stead of ballet. 
There were times mom would accompany me to the ballet class observing every detail, then she would put up a ballet-bar at home, 
We both would practice the ballet disciplines together. 
When mom got tired, she turned into the coach telling me: " kick higher-higher, don't stop ..."


We are our parents' wildest dreams. 
Sometimes they could not handle the fact that their dreams had be converted into the realities. 
They would want to "fix" their realities by denying that they had ever dreamed all these ...
Mom always "apologizing" my untamed behaviors ...
Nai-Nai said she got married too young to be fully "noble"...that was why she was apologizing so much. 
Nai-Nai told me to not apologize my action lightly. 
By apologizing, we are undoing ourselves.


Mom apologized everything that was her secret dream ...
I do not apologize, I live them out. 
It used to hurt me when mom apologized for "my true being-ness". 
The moment I realized that I was the manifestation of her wildest Muse, 
the moment I was amused...
then, we both were set free...
When we are free, we are in noble grace.


Nobility is the ultimate "I" Being Free ...


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Music Credit: Quintet for two Violins, viola, and two cellos in C major D 956 Adagio Franz Schubert