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Excerpts Chapter 10




There are 5 elements in the Chinese paradigm 

of science / medicine / phylosophy / alchemy / astrology /divination
- Gold, Wood, Water, Fire, Earth. 
In the West, there are four elements -air, water, fire and earth.
The Chinese Wood is like the "air" element in the west, and the Chinese Gold is the element of "ether". 
In the West, the element "air" is the element "ether". 
This is not the case in the Chinese morphology. 
Deai-Deai was extremely sophisticated about this. 
He gave nick-names to my brothers as his illustrious blessings 
-Little Gold and Little Firewood. 


He said one of them would benefit from the element of Gold, the other would benefit from more Fire and more Wood elements. 
As for me, he only said that I would be loved and adored by friends from all over the world beyond measure. 
" -but she is only a shy girl..." mom said with doubting excitement. 
Deai-Deai fell into his normal silence. 



Again, I heard everything. 
Secretly celebrate those abstract fortune that has no name, no color, no shape, no approvals from anyone I knew...
only the fluttering heart that trust the concealed destiny... 
Little Gold and Little Firewood and I made the same choice from the Land of the Spirit. 
We chose the same genetic combination, the same parents, the same grandparents, the same ethic conflics, 
the same culture, 
the same box, the same program, the same... 
yet, we three were totally different souls having perfectly different "agendas" to enter this world: 



Little Gold was extemely naughty, having problems with any restrict rule, authority, and social persona. 
Deai-Deai was right about his key element. 
He was extremely out of this world, having strange "Zen-like-jokes" that only a few would laugh.
Never giving a "s-h-i----" about winning any awards to please the adults. 
Little Firewood on the other hand was extremely ambitious since he had toys. 
He was never interested in any children's toy except tiny bottles and tiny boxes...
then he would line-up those bottles and boxes as his armies, tanks, battle-ships... playing his self-invented chess game for hours by himself.



Later in our teens, Little Gold was rebellious enough to join the mountain-monks' life, leaving our catholic mom praying for him days and nights...
Little Firewood was the champion of all kind of contests-you name it, he got it for you...
Deai-Deai again was right. 
He was not just Little Firewood. 
He was the dynamite. 



Me -in my teens? 
Well 
-I was somewhat like Nai-Nai- 
I had thousand faces... 
Each one was perfectly truthful and timely. 
I would win all kind of champions to fulfil my duty...that was my "social life". 
No body knew what I truely thought privately -including myself.
Writing journals help me to understand myself better. 
When I discovered that mom was reading my personal diary, I did not make any drama about it. 
I simply wrote two kind of diaries -one for her, one for me... 



Little Gold and Little Firewood are both fathers and husbands today. 
We seldom get chance to talk mainly because my controversial reputations
This is perfectly unreal 
-We were the most faithful friends to one another when we were little 
-And we shared our secret insights, 
-And we took oath to never grow up like most adults, 
-And we made up the secret language that was our special codings. 
( adults would not know what we were up to...) 
-And we were good team playing music to enchant our family guests. 
-and..... 
-and..... 
-and..... 



Once upon a time, we were charisma together until Little Gold and Little Firewood had "grown up" and somehow I did not. 


Little Gold, Little Firewood and I played the most eccentric games 
-there were prisons around our neighborhood. 
When mom and father out for dinners / parties / gatherings, we would paint our faces just like what we saw in the movies about cowboys and Indians...
and we danced the dance of Witch-doctor, making bows and arrows just in case some "bad guy" showed up - when mom and father were not around. 
We had to scare the guts out of these bastards... after that, we had to get their guns... 
... ropes and buckets of waters cleverly set up to entrap the bad-guys, 
... attached ourselves to a chair with both hands tied up-and finally we had to perform the great escape just like every hero did in the movies... 


Sometimes we were the pirates fighting the storm in a wrecked ship that was mom and father's twin bed... 
Singing and dancing around the treasure-chests ( made of the garbage-can )...
then one would be the Peter Pan, one would be the Captain Hook, and I would always be the Tinker-Bell ... 



Other times I would be the Empress from those mysterious Ancient land...
they had to bow down to me in every 7 steps, 
then knelt down to me in every 12 steps. 
I would give them titles like the High Priest or the Chief Commander. 
if they did not like their titles, there were plenty new titles ... 
I would always be the Empress. 



...We were Robin Hood's excellent swordsmen -the winner would be Robin Hood ... 



When Little Firewood was really small, we had our pets in the play, 
Dogs could be the horses, and our Little Firewood would be tied onto the "horse" as an messenger to the Foreign Alliance; 
Cats would be dressed up as elves... 
Chickens, ducks and geese would be the evil monsters that need to be chased away with drums and rattles... 
When doggies echoing their faithful howlings, 
that was the sign ...
We had to clean our faces, 
clean our house...
putting all the dogs and cats outdoor, 
taking down their "costumes", 
taking down the ropes and buckets of water 
-just to make sure that mom and father would be alright. 



These were the games we play well together -
Little Gold and Little Firewood did not realize that there were different games to be played in life 
- something like how to play "noble" - 
"You do not need go to the movie theater to watch a movie. There are movies all around us...you have to learn how to play these movies as well." 
Only if...I knew how to say this when we were little... 
--Only if--
I knew how to teach them playing different kind of movies in stead of bowing down to the Empress...
or--- perhaps--- 
I could share my most secret diary with them...
I should trust that they would not tell mom. 
perhaps--- 
I should turn into a rebel earlier to be on the side of Little Gold ...
then -
perhaps---
perhaps---perhaps---
we could still be the "charisma three" - like Robin Hood's excellent swordsmen ... 


...Perhaps, our Peter Pan and our Captain Hook supossed to grow up ...
Their journeys designed from the land of Spirit were different than mine ... 
Perhaps the Tinker-Bell was never the Tinker-Bell... 
...but the observer in the quantum field for the Dance that would never end .... 
Glitters, glitters, more glitters...
Magical thoughts 
DNA dance
in the 
Moon light,
Sun light, 
Star light
-- Open Sesame --
Excalibur!!!!!
form me to you,
as always
My love...
Little Gold and Little Firewood.


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Suite for orchestra No 3 in D major, J.S. BACH