Excerpts Chapter 12

There are a few words that are highly charged in the human psyche ... 

heaven/hell, money/God/sex, good/evil, success/failure, pure/impure ... love/hate ... us/them ...  
No matter how many highly charged words there are, the bottom line is the same. 
It is about " Are we in? " or "Are we out? " 
According to which social boxes we identify ourselves with. 

Everything is about perception. 
The Observer is the Law-Giver in the Quantum field. 
Let's say ----Purity-----
Purity in the mind of many westerners is about being "white". 
There should be no spot of "dirt" on your record. 
If you do, too bad, you go to hell. 
The only way to keep being "pure" is "don't ... " 

Purity in the East is symbolized by the lotus flower, 
coming from the deep mud, 
passing through the water of life, 
freely blooming in the sunlight 
and dance the dance of foreverness. 
There is no denial of one's "past". 
Without the mud, the lotus could not even exist. 
The higher it reaches toward the sun, the deeper its roots reach into the mud. 
A lotus blossom does not need to apologize for its muddy roots and confess for its "guilty path of gaining wisdom". 
A lotus blossom only know the sacredness of All That Is. 

There is a legend in Ancient Chinese Mythology about this particular individual making decisions in the moment of his enlightenment. 
When his state of mind united with the Mind of All That Is, he was granted to be the Lord of whatever realm he chose. 
Unexpectedly, he made his choice to be Lord Of Hell. 
The whole uni-verse asked him:
" Are you sure that you want to be in Hell? " 
He simply said " Hell is only an illusion. If I could not handle this, who else? " 
He then vowed to free all those who lived in it and to be the last one to leave. 
Every year in the seventh Full-Moon of the Chinese Calender, we celebrate the Opening Gate of Hell. 
People shall offer special feasts and prayers for those who are ready to move on, and for those who are still holding on. 
Have you ever seen streams of floating candles and floating lanterns on the Festival night rivers? 
That is to light up the paths for their new lives. 

Growing up in a society that celebrates the Opening Gate of Hell made many of us think differently in church. 
That kind of eternal punishment is just not real ! 
As a little girl I would spend time talking to those who suffered in their own hell -from mind to mind. 
I did not know that was "evil" according to church. 
It was a very humane way of communication. 
Later when Gung-Gung, Deai-Deai, Nai-Nai and father passed to their next realm, 
I would always be the one receiving their communications in my dreams. 
When you know from your heart, you hear better. 
There is no right or wrong in love. 
To love is to live, to live is to know, to know is to love ... 

Little Gold, Little Firewood and I were blessed by this simple state of beingness. 
When we fought, we fought the little monsters out of our tiny bellies. 
Even the fights were fun.
Nothing could stop us being happy together. 
Some of our "happy-hour-places" were different kinds of closets. 
( -different kinds of social / anti-social boxes. ) 

One was in the dance school. 
Little Gold and Little Firewood did not have a chance to discover its magic in person. 
I did, and I took them there in spirit by telling them my encounters. 
There were costumes of all kinds with smells and colors of all kinds. 
We loved to get lost in those costumes, while the adults were busily working on their last few rehearsals before curtain-time. 
Different costumes took you to different lands, in different timelines as different persons. 
You could be a princess in one moment, a witch the next moment by taking down the crown and putting up the wigs. 
You could also be a little Chinese deity in one moment, a Hungarian peasant girl the next moment by changing costumes. 
If you were lucky, 
you could take a nap under those costumes, 
having the most amazing dreams 
and coming back with the stories that could not be found in any children's books. 

Another closet was in our home. 
We lived a Japanese - style wooden house. 
The ceilings and floors and walls were filled with noisy stories. 
There was always someone standing or sitting against those ancient walls. 
You could see the shadowy presence in the corner of your eyes. 
When you did turn your head around, there were only swirling dust floating in the thin air like galaxies breathing in the vast night sky ... 

In those moonless nights, cats were dancing with mice right above our squeaky ceilings. 
There were abnormal noises mixed with snoring from mom and father's bedroom closet. 
I thought that was a corridor to many different lands, and it was busy at night. 
When mom and father out for their adult activities, we would search for treasures inside that closet. 
Sometimes it was the perfect cave for us to say ---O-P-E-N----S-E-S-A-M-E---- 
The doors would be opened by our secretive, tiny, busy hands, 
and all the junk turned into giant jewels by our magical eyes. 
Other times it was the underground tunnel that led to the inner earth, and we were on our Hero's Journey fighting monsters from those dark nooks . . . 
Oh!!! Yes -if the bad guys showed up, we could escape from this closet by closing our eyes and uttering mysterious words like
---"Sa-Ku-La, Sa-Ku-Lu, A---R---M-E-M!" 
Then we were gone with the shooting stars . . . 

The most beautiful closets were the ones draped with royal silk and finely carved with grapes and vines. 
Those were special closets.
--You had to be the kids of Catholic parents and you had to be old enough to get in: 
Waiting in line stood as serious as we could, Little Gold, Little Firewood and I could not stop elbowing one another 
-there were winks in our eyes. 
In order to enter those big boxes you had to kneel down in a special area thinking ardently about what you did wrong. 
That was easy: 
- We all knew what the adults like to hear and we all lied from time to time. 
That was one "sin" already. 
- We knew how to break the "no-no's", and covered up afterward. 
That was another. 
- We could study hard-er and lazy was another "sin". 
- We could say that we forgot to tell Father one more "sin" we had, and got another chance to enter the closets. 
-you have to realize that smart people do not mind "sin" and smart kids makeup more "sins". 

With all these "sins", you could have more "dance-theater" experiences: 
- In the beginning and the end of each confession, 
you had to mark the sign of the cross on your forehead, lips and heart, 
then another cross tapping your forehead, heart and shoulders just like movie stars did in the movies. 

- To kneel down in front of a window, and to tell your "bad stories" to a Father who also had the patience to listen. 
That was fantastic! 
- No matter what you said, G-O-D loved you. 
- The more stories you told, the more GOD loved you. 
- It was like playing house, we were good at being bad and being loved. 
- Even if you were not bad enough, you had to pretend you were bad. 
- Nice people were boring, most of them were conformists. 

There were times I would confess for mom and father just in case they forgot what they did. 
The longer you stay inside those closets, the more attention you got from GOD. 
When I was told to confess only for myself not for my parents, I would come out much sooner. 
Again, we would kneel down in a special area to pray for sinning no more.
In the meantime trying to remember "one more sin" just to get into those closets one more time to beat the others. 
Perhaps it felt as if we got some personal relationship going with someone mysterious. 
Perhaps getting attentions inside those beautiful closets was somewhat ecstatic.
Perhaps risking rules gave us a sense of non-conformity. 
None of us "felt bad" at all. 
We felt wonderfully theatrical. 

Finally that moment came when everybody looked miserable and unworthy, 
pounding those grieving chests, 
telling G-O-D that "they" ( not me ) had sinned and they ( not me ) were not worthy of G-O-D's love. 
Even though they were adorable to my eyes. 
Well, I could not say those lines...
There was a secret between me and 

I was told that I Was Precious To All That Is In The Garden. 
How could I be precious and unworthy the same time? 
This must be just for "them". 
I had to have my own saying for this radical moment. 
In an ultra low tone, 
I whispered: 
" It-- is-- ME-- Your precious one. 
Bestow on me more magic to fly so that I shall be forever beautiful and brilliant. 
Bestow on me the power to love so that I shall be a blessed bride for you when I grow up ... " 

This is a cosmic joke realized NOW. I did not know that I was actually a "Born Again Heretic". 
According to the laws of the Holy Mother/Holy Father/Real Jesus churches . . . 
You would be Blasphemy if you were not following the leadership of the religious order. 
You would be violently Blaspheming if you were not having a "politically correct" relationship with G-O-D. 
You would be deadly Blasphemous if you dare to by-pass those appointed authority and talk to G-O-D directly. 

My "personal relationship" with G-O-D could lead me to be burned as a witch in the time of Inquisitions and in many other dark ages. 
Even to these days, there are still people in the dark-age mentalities. 
I did not know all these as a child. 
I was so much in love with that "dance-theater-alter-state-awareness."
There have been miracle after miracle through out my life, especially when I did not make sense to anybody. 
Those who have never realized a single miracle in their lives often accuse the magical ones as evil. 
True blessings often come to us in such a humble disguise. 
"You have to become a small child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." 

You know what? 
Those miserable looking people were actually pretty decent people. 
Mom and father and their friends were not miserable at all when they were partying. 
They also thought highly of themselves with no sign of unworthiness outside the church. 
If sinning means you got more pleasure than suffering 
-yes, we all have sinned. 
Perhaps they were also enjoying their theatrical expressions by acting miserable, sinful and unworthy. 

Human Beings are theatrical creatures from mating to working to identifying . . . 

The veil between Vice and Virtue is thinner than the breath. 
Any one who has a magnificent "public relationship" with 
could be a hypocrite in one's "personal relationship" with 
oneself and with All That Is. 

---Wow! This is a wholly holy business. 
Who is this G-O-D anyway? 
Or The Grail king? 
Why Bible stated G-O-D as single and as plural? 
Is the G-O-D of Moses the same one as the the G-O-D of Jesus? 
Are they Orion? or Sirian? or Pleiadian ? . . . 
This G-O-D is certainly not Lord Of Hell according to the Holy churches.
And this G-O-D certainly not omni-present if "his" enemies all went to hell . . . 

Then who should I marry when I finally grow up? 

There are countless people whom I deeply adore living in the Bible faith. 
For a long, long time, I was "politically silent" to not upset my loved ones. 
I did not know that my passions for marrying G-O-D had led me to search and research recklessly,
and the yearning for union with The Beloved had led me to travel across many faiths in many lands. 

There are all kind of closets in the humanity.
( human-mentality )
The most beauteous ones are those in which you can be free while you travel through your own mind.
The most dreadful ones are those of self-hatred mixed with self-importance. 
I am not interested in making things right or wrong. 
I am more interested in human psyche and the "programs."
If G-O-D is omnipresent, then G-O-D must also be present in and out of these closets as well; 
If I want to marry G-O-D then I have to marry 
All That Is. 

Perhaps we could take another look at these highly charged words from different perspectives: 
heaven/hell, money/God/sex, good/evil . . . success/failure . . . 
pure/impure . . . love/hate . . . 
And . . . us/them. 
To summarize a simple report from my adventures through those closets, 
I shall tell you: 
- Yes, I did grow up being beautiful and brilliant. 
Remember the Observer is the Law-Giver. 
- And I did come out of those social / anti-social boxes. 
- The most magic closet I have now is a humble cabin in the woods...
where all the impossible meet and new realities are born. 
- The highest magic is love. 
- Yes, I did marry All That Is.
Not just once but infinite times in all ways
- Always. 

- No, I did not marry the Bible god. 
Neither does "he" want to marry me. 
- No, I have no shame, no guilt, no repentance for my lotus roots. 
- And . . . 
" Are we in? " or " Are we out? " 
From where? 
For whom? 
To where? ....





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Dance of the Blessed Spirit by Christoph Willibald Gluck