Chapter 14 - God's Girl Friend

Ma Ma loved to read. She read all kind of tales... fairy tales, Bible tales, grown-up tales...
Some tales were for us, some tales were only for father.
You could tell the difference by the tone of her voices...
If she said-- it is too late, no story for kids tonight --
Then you should know that was the night only father got to hear some grown-up stories.
Our dreams were made of tales from another land and tales from another time.
The most fascinating tales were about some special people chosen by some special "God" in some special events.
Some of these people made "God" really happy and some made "God" really angry.
Some made "God" happy in one time and then made "God" angry in another time...
Some died a horrible death that made me wish "God" would never notice me in any given time...
Then in a different tale, some chosen one lived the greatest adventure, that made me changed my mind---
Secretly, I talked to God-- it is ok, if you want me to be the chosen one ...

I was not that crazy about Moses or Jesus. They were nice in their own ways, but they were boys ...
Virgin Mary was a girl, she was nice too... but her life was not happy enough for me.
I did not even want to see an archangel simply because in the name of God, it might make my belly grow babies.
If that happens, my brilliant future dance career would be finished right then.

Then, there were some ladies who seemed to have a different kind relationship with God.
I was too young to see the difference between which god was the real God, and which one was the false God. They all seemed the same to me. They were powerful and worshipped by humans. They had power to bring almost equal horrors and happiness to people, if not more. They loved to be pleased, and they would love you only if you were doing the right things They also had special power to punish and to kill their enimies ... so if you were smart, you might want to be on their side .. even though they were moody and changing "side" all the time.

When I learned how to read. I would secretly steal Ma Ma's books to read what she did not tell us. Ma Ma was always too busy to notice if any book was missing. Plus, Ma Ma would never believe that I could read her books word by word. You see, you do not need to tell people what you know and what you can do... you just need to find out the answers by yourself and keep quiet.

These books had different tales than what the Bible said-
First, they have pictures of all kind of naked women and naked men sleeping together and hugging one another.
Some of them with wings others with horns... those pictures were so beautiful, that made you feel like you were just one of them. I could not decide who were more beautiful? them? or the angels on the church wall paintings.
You could hear the music come from those pages where people dacing and laughing in cirlces... and you could taste the feast on the table and feeling the grapes sweeten your tongue...
I forgot where I was, but dacing and feasting with those beautiful beings in a green land that was home to my heart.
These people are not Chinese, they were the gods and goddesses from ancient Greek and Ancient Rome.
They were much happier people than anyone I had ever met in my entire life.
And guess what I found out?
Ma Ma never told me anything like this... if she knew what I knew, she would go to confess every day.
Do you know that there were some blessed ladies, who were extremely beautiful and God chose them to be some kind of a girl friend.
Wow!!! Being beautiful and being chosen by God, then you got a nice chance to play with God because you were " his girl-friend. This idea seemed to suit me very well.
Then, I had to decide which kind of girl friend I would like to be:

Leda was beautiful, but Zeus turned into a swan to made her laid four eggs. From these eggs came the immortals Polydeuces and Helenn, and the mortals Castor and Clytaemnestra.
I was not too sure whether I wanted to lay eggs plus that god seemed not romantic enough for me. I did not want my boyfriend looked like a swan.

Danae was beautiful too. Zeus turned into golden shower to make her bear children. That was not too romantic either. First, I was still a girl, I did not want to become a mom. Golden shower sounded nice but that was really no difference then sunshine. I knew how much God loved me because the sun was always showering me with golden rays. I would not be stupid enough to be naked like Danae, simply because I knew better.
Europa was a princess, her father was the king of Trye. Zeus turned into a white bull to seduce her, and she was not smart enough to run away ... I would not want my boyfriend looked like a bull either, even if a whole continent was named after me.

Zeus had too many girl friends and most of them were not that happy. Maybe he was too old for me... I would like to have a boyfriend who could play with me nicely in some future years. More important, he should have respect for me, and have better forms than swan or bull.
One day I read the story of Cupid and Psyche. Wow!!! That was true love. He loved her. Well, Psyche had some hard time too, but it was not because of her husband but because of her mother-in-law I was pretty sure that I could handle that well.

Psyche was too beautiful to have an ordinary life. She had to be sent to a mountain ridge to meet her future husband who was not a human. While she got scared and cried very hard, the wind god Zephyr raised her from earth to a magical land where she can drink the crystal water from the fountain, and eat many plates of delicious cusine from a table that was always full. She also got invisible servants play music for her and dress her up like a fairy princess, then she could have anything she dreamed of ...
See, it is really not that bad to not have an ordinary life.
Psyche never got a chance to see what her husband looked like because he only visited her when it was dark and left her before the sunrise.
Psyche felt so much love from her husband, Cupid, even though she could not see what he looked like.
I totally understand how she felt... I have never seen what God looked like but I could feel so much love from God all the time.
It is really not a bad idea to marry God. When you got scared and cried a lot, the wind god Zephyr would just raised you from the earth to a magical land... you then can drink the crystal water from the fountain and feast with your invisible friends, who can play the most beautiful music around the magical table that is always full.

The story of Cupid and Psyche was pretty long. Psyche got sisters and mother-in-law who were not real friend to her...
She then passing through many tests, and made many sacrifces for being with Cupid again.
She might not be the smartest girl but she got a beautiful heart...
I think it is very important to have a beautiful heart because God is love.
If you want to be God's girl friend, you have to know how to love God from your heart.
Cupid might be a much better boyfriend than Zeus, but I was not sure if I want to be Cupid's girl friend or not. He already married Psyche ...
I did not want to hurt Psyche's feeling like Father's other girl friends hurt Ma Ma's feeling.

Well, I was really concern about who should I marry when I grow up. All those famous gods had all had wives and girl friends already.
I truly wish I could be born just earlier enough to meet them and to have a good playing time with them....
Maybe I just need to read more and think more and to figure out who should I marry when I finally grow up...

The more I read, the more hopeless I got.
Beautiful Persephone was a young daughter of Zeus and Demeter, goddess of the harvest.
One day while she was happily gathering flowers from the field, the earth suddenly opened up and god Hades rose up from the gap... guest what?
He just took her to the underworld to be his wife without any wedding ceremony.
I realized it was not a smart idea to be alone in the field like I used to.
More important was that I should pratice to become a fast runner, just in case the earth opened up.

Daphne was a water nymph who were the first love for Apollo.
Well, the story was a little complex... perhaps more complex than mom and father's love stories...
Apollo did not know the power of Cupid and told him to not play his bow and arrow because he was too young.
Sometimes my father talked to me just like that.
Guess what? Cupid showed him how terrible was his mistake by piercing his heart with an arrow of crazy love.
This was not the worst part of his trick. the worst part was Cupid used another arrow poisoned with hate to Daphne.
Now Apollo was madly in love with Daphne but Daphne just did not like him. Apollo then begin to run after her-- you know what?
I have seen so much of this kind of running in my entire life, it just does not feel fun at all.
Daphne then cry out to her father, the river god Peneus, for protection.
Her father then turned her into a Bay tree....
her skin became the tree bark and her hair, the tree leaves... her body, the trunk and her feet, the roots...
Apollo then cut off some of the tree branches... and made a crown for himself...
It feels hurt to my skin and my arms just by reading this.
Later Apollo made Bay tree the most sacred tree. The priestess from the Apollo temple often chew Bay leaves before they gave oracles.
This sound like people eat Jesus' body and drink Jesus's blood in our church.
I do not want to be eaten by someone who worship me, even if it is the sun god Apollo ...
So far, Cupid is the coolest god for my ideal play mate. He looks like a kid but he is more powerful than all adults.
I would like to have his kind of arrows to give father a lesson if he talk to me like talking to a child.
No matter how cool Cupid is, I would not be able to marry him.
There is still plenty time for me to grow up. By then, I might be able to marry a god who is just happy to play with me...

One morning, there were many sisters dressed in white, like brides, come to our church.
Mom said these girls do not want to marry ordinary guys because they choose to marry God.
Really? All of them?
Mom said that they were study very hard and work very hard and pray very hard ...
I asked mom if they know how to dance ballet? Ballet can be very hard too.
Mom said she did not think so. Mom said that they supposed to give up everything they love if they want to be the Bride of Jesus?
What? Who do they marry to? To God? or to Jesus? This is too confusing.
Mom said it really did not matter, because they were not going to marry ordinary people. They were nuns...
They shall have no pleasure in their life, only hard work and sacrifice.
Really? Some of them looked stern, some of them looked happy though.
Well, if this is the only God left for me to marry, since I did not born earlier to meet Cupid, I guess I had better prepare myself to become a nun...
Perhaps I could still be happy, even though this was a different kind of God's girl friend than I thought.
No dancing? No feasting? No running around with veils and half naked body?
I was not too sure how long could I handle this kind of romance.

... I would like to have a boyfriend who could play with me nicely in some future years.
More important, he should have respect for me, and have better forms than swan or bull...
I would like to have a nice wedding, instead of being taken by someone rose up from the open earth ...
I would like to be very free without hardening my body to become a tree...
I would like to have my body to myself without getting my arms and hair cut for a crazy lover's crown...
I would like to have many laughter and dances, without getting eaten by someone who worship me ...
I would like to be a good friend, who happens to be a girl. to the God who lives inside everybody
I would like to be chosen...
Not by any external god, but by the God who lives inside me
To be beautiful, brilliant... happy and forever free ...
I would like to be chosen ...
By the God within the hearts of All ...
To dance, to live, to love freely...
to be the best I can be ...




Previous Click hand for Eyes Index Next